Friends, family, people I don’t know, people I should but don’t, and people I do but shouldn’t; I have returned yet again from parts unknown. This time, I have a super special product to review. From all the way across the pond, from the fine folks at Master of Malt, comes the most glorious liquor I’ve had the pleasure to lock eyes with. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the 250,000 Scovilles Naga Chilli Vodka. If this sounds like some kind of stupid human trick, well, you’re in the right place. Cheers!
Vodka. Death. Kidding. Well, maybe. Since this is an alcohol, there is no ingredients list. What I can tell you is that I’ve been assured of the potency of this boot-to-the-teeth bottle of vodka by the reps at Master of Malt as well as friend of Eat More Heat, Darth Naga, who’s quoted on the bottle as having said “Ahhh… so THAT’S what death tastes like.” I’m in for a treat.
I have to say I am incredibly impressed by the sheer l’esprit d’bouteille this bottle manages to exude. With the color scheme of the label, the bright red eyes of the horned skull seem to pierce from a distance. There’s a small skull medallion held to the bottle neck by an incredibly well-done wax job, to add to the glory of the bottle. The bottle contains a half liter (or litre, for the MoM folks reading this) of a 40% alcohol by volume (that’s 80 proof) yellow concoction that seems to stare me down from inside its glass cage. In fact, while photographing the bottle for this review, I felt the standard backdrop just wouldn’t cut it for the ominous aura this vodka exudes. So I added a little something from my personal collection to convey the proud danger this presents to your taste buds. Popping the cork, you can smell the vodka, but you can also smell something in the olfactory shadows, something just outside your wavelength so you know it’s there, but can’t say what it is. I can, and I will. It’s pain.
As I swirl Satan’s swill around my top-of-the-line fancy tasting glass, the smell gets potent. As I photograph it, the amber fluid actually seems to glow. As I sip it, … . I concluded that sentence there because it was written about 5 minutes ago. To a piquant pro like myself, this vodka manages to deliver a tandem kick to the mouth-balls and the pride. I’m drizzling snot and tears. The initial taste wasn’t too bad. I lulled it around my tongue, swished it around before swallowing, and it wasn’t as dreadfully painful as I thought. But as I swallowed, that liquor cashed in its chips at the Pack-A-Punch machine and delivered a knee-buckling blow to the gut. As it made splash-down in my stomach, Vesuvius erupted, culminating in the aforementioned facial drippings. Ladies and gentlemen, this will make boys and girls out of you. The Heat rating I assign this is Meltdown. This isn’t just based on the taste, oh no, this also denotes the effect on my entire body. For a Flavor rating, I have to give it a Notable rating. While it may feel like intestinal det cord, the heat wasn’t accompanied by the typical bitterness of spicy alcohol, and was actually rather pleasant. As a bonus, MoM has provided me with a recipe for a very special Bloody Mary using their concoction. Next Saturday, 23 February, I shall review 2 Bloody Mary mixes, with a bonus entry for the MoM Bloody Mary, including the recipe.