Those who know me well know that I have a few food weaknesses. Certain culinary creations seem to have been concocted for the sole purpose of making me drop what I’m doing and devour them. Aside from the obvious hot sauce, the one food item I can never resist, my foil, the bullet to my Batman, is beef jerky. I’m not lying when I say that my students know they can easily get on my good side with some jerky, especially if they get the good stuff. Imagine my glee, then, when I found a tiny packet of jerky nestled amongst the other products in a shipment from the Hot Sauce Boss. When we get jerky, folks, it isn’t the “sweet and hot” kind you can buy at any old grocery store. Nope. When someone sends us jerky, you can bet that it is laced with something that has been crafted for the sole purpose of melting faces. Case in point: this particular batch of Original Dragons Blood Jerky, from Original Jerky out of London (home page may be NSFW), is coated with something affectionately dubbed “Satan’s Shit,” and promises to be a scorching good time.
Beef, Dragons Blood, Beer, Pineapple, Lemon, Vinegar, Salt
The above list applies to the basic variety of the Dragons Blood jerky, and I had to pull it off the company’s website, since the packaging does not actually feature a true list. Bear in mind that my particular package has an added ingredient, the aforementioned “Satan’s Shit.” Both the Shit and Dragons Blood are products made by ChilliPepperPete, another British company. Also, the specific beer (because I know some of you care about that sort of thing) is Camden Town Brewery’s Pale Ale. Personally, I’m not a beer drinker, but I don’t foresee the ale getting in the way of the meat and heat.
I’ve seen some spicy jerky that looks radioactive, but this isn’t really one of those. Sure, it has some flecks of orange and red here and there, but there’s really nothing about it to suggest that it is particularly dangerous. Appearances, of course, can be deceiving.
Smell and Taste:
Indeed, where our vision can be easily fooled, our sense of smell is a superior sleuth. Whatever’s in the two sauces, I can smell it, and it smells like danger and terror. Thankfully, it isn’t an overpowering smell, so my nose is still working after getting so close to the jerky, but there’s spice on this meat without question. The really neat part about this meat is that the heat doesn’t take away from the flavor. In fact, the hot sauce combination is subtle enough in flavor that it only really brings out the beefy profile, rather than masking it in extract hell. I’m really glad, because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to taste the beef, and there’s no point in eating jerky that doesn’t even taste like meat.
If there’s one downside to this jerky, it’s that the heat in the package seems to be a little uneven. Then again, considering the fact that my tongue nearly went numb after I ate the first piece, it’s possible I’ve merely lost sensation in my mouth. In either case, this stuff deserves a Madness rating. I won’t give it any higher, because I’m not quite scrambling for something to drink, but it’s certainly far hotter than any normal person would consider palatable. It’s worth noting once again that my particular pack was made to be even hotter than normal, but expect something at the high end of the Mean rating, if not within the Madness range, for the standard Dragons Blood jerky. After all, the package advertises this jerky sitting at upwards of 800,000 Scovilles, and that’s saying something for a tiny meat bag. As I mentioned earlier, the flavor on this stuff still manages to be a decent meat taste. It’s not the downright greatest jerky I’ve ever had, but it is good enough to warrant a Nice in my book.
It’s jerky. Eat it. Just please don’t give any to your friends or family as a joke. This is seriously powerful stuff, and should not be taken lightly. Only honest chileheads should be putting this meat in their mouths.
I wanted to include the ingredients found in both Satan’s Shit and Dragons Blood, but the manufacturer’s website doesn’t actually list all of the ingredients. If you’re curious, though, ChilliPepperPete does list the latter hot sauce at 800,000 – 1,000,000 Scovilles, and the Satan’s Shit at a whopping 1,250,000. Certainly that’s a bit diluted and toned down in this beef jerky by the other ingredients and production process, but those numbers do go a long way towards explaining why I can’t feel my tongue.